Let me start by saying this; uncertainty is scary. Feeling the weight of all of our choices is pressuring. But something that I encountered this year was the realization that this fear and pressure I carried may not be mine. So that brings me to wonder, who does it belong to? (If anyone at all).
I like risks and challenges. I love overcoming something that was once difficult for me. I let my wanderlust lead my life at times. However, 2022 has been my most hesitant year yet. Outside of being rejected from opportunities I truly wanted or facing post-grad blues, I was really scared of many things that were going on around me.
I was leaving the crib less to “not be seen”, shying away from shoots because I wasn’t trusting my vision, and overthinking decisions I had in front of me. I felt very exposed but also trapped.
It was the first time I was actually fearful of transition. I looked around me and thought, “What am I scared of?” Is it the pressure to do good? Am I holding the fear of my elders? Is this where life shifts for me?
There are many cases where we are unknowingly holding on to projections from the forces around us. We are told we will never have this time back. That our college years are our best years. That our 20s are so vital and we HAVE to do it a certain way to get the fruit of our labor. It robs us of exploration and doing what we feel is right, not what we are told is right.
I speak for myself when I say that this is a very impressionable part of life. I love to learn and gain insight. Everything around me is an inspiration.
This fear is not mine, nor should I ever own fear in my life.